Ouch

“True Love burns the brightest, But the brightest flames leave the deepest scars.”

I try not to blog too personal usually. Mostly because what happens to me always involves other people and I would NEVER want to do anything that would make someone else uncomfortable but today I'm blogging as personal as it gets. So recently I went through a break up... like last night, a break up like no other, partically because I've been in love with the kid for 8 years. He wasn't only my boyfriend but one of my best friends. So when you break up its a double whammy, I didn't only lose my boyfriend but one of my best friends, at least temporarily. A girl on my floor told me time heals all wounds, and yes its been a day, I'm still in the crying in class, can't eat, didn't sleep stage. But I hope time does, I want to be friends with him at some point, I don't know if it is possible, can you be friends with someone that you have been in love with for that long? I guess time will tell. I spent years telling myself back and forth that it will work and then I would tell myself to move on, but I guess apart of me always wanted it to work out. Should've known better, huh? Break ups are hard, and the longer they meant so much to you, the harder they are, at least for girls. It's harder if the circumstances differ, such as if they cheated on you, then you feel like you lost, like someone was better than you.

My ex boyfriend is a great guy, I won't say that he hasn't hurt me in the past, and that last night didn't hurt more than anything else, hell, I ran across a busy street and almost got hit by a car, but I'd like to think he never meant to (wishful thinking). He will no doubt go on and do great things, being friends with me or not, and I will go on and do great things, marry other people and we will both live equally happy lives. Sure, it isn't the way 6th grade me pictured it, but it's the way God intended it to be. I want him to be happy, I want to try to be the bigger person and realize I didn't do anything wrong then wanting something different than he did. I will never doubt that he didn't love me or care about me, and I know he always will, you don't go through everything we went through and then make a clean break. So, hopefully soon I will be able to talk to him and not want to cry, but until then it's all about living my life, and him living his in any way it makes him happy, but I will always love him, maybe not in the way I use to, but a part of me will always be his.