I'm good, but I'm no angel. I sin, but I'm no devil. I'm just a small girl in a big world looking for someone who can party on my level
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Life in a Container
So I'm in Kansas for 3 months, I've been here for two days & have very little to do besides getting beaten up by three boys I babysit (literally bruises on my back). But I've come to a weird realization, my family is old. My sister will graduate high school in a year, this is my last summer at home, and my brother is moving out official (we hope) in august. So after 11 years in this suburban home, my parents are going to sell it. Which means painting my high school room. For those who have seen it know that it screams one thing: high school. I have posters from homecoming, note cards from prom, almost every corsage and flower I have ever received (yes they are dead), pictures covering the walls, all my academic awards, newspaper stuff, and dance stuff. Every inch of my wall is lined with that stuff and if not that theres two dance posters and two of Orlando Bloom. I have a street sign, a traffic cone, and two house signs, and this isn't even touching what is on and inside my desk. So in order to paint, all of my high school stuff has to do one of two things; go in the trash or into storage. So getting a huge storage bin out of my parent's room I began to fill it. Realizing, all the while, unlike some of my friends at school, I didn't keep in touch with anyone. I didn't talk to someone from high school once a day let alone once a week. & maybe thats because I was so ready for college, a lot of things in high school hurt me to think about so throwing a few pieces of paper into the bin was no big deal. But if high school didn't really matter to me, if I didn't really talk to anyone from high school then why wasn't I throwing this stuff into the trash? There are pictures and posters in my room of people who now I know very little about, lost a lot of contact with, or just plan dislike. & yet one by one the prom cards got put into the bin and pictures from freshman year, because rather I like it or not, this was my high school, and yes because of events that have happened throughout the year I've come to realize that high school is something I truly need to let go, but that doesn't mean I need to let go of the memories. I'm ready to move on, if I could've I would've lived in Iowa this summer. There are some people I don't want to lose contact with forever but mostly high school is a thing of the past, I went to school out of state for the reason that I wanted to be done. The people who truly matter in high school would always be there and if one day I turn to them and they aren't then I will count my blessings for my beautiful friends I made this year. So while I pack my things and unpack my college stuff for the next 3 months I plan to have fun, to go to the pool, gossip with my friends like we use to, spend time with my parents, and make money. Because I'm realizing that I need to fully love every moment I have because nothing after this summer will ever be the same. Who you are right now will only be who you are for today. When you wake up in the morning and go to bed at night you are two different people, rather you see it right now or not.
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