Leaving the Background Covered

How do you decide what is important to tell people? Especially for out age demographic a lot of students base where they go to college on where everyone else in their school is going to college. & those students who go somewhere else, tend to be looking for a new experience, new people, a new start. I was definitely one of them, and at my university I have met so many people who are trying to do that as well. But how important is all your background information for your new friends to understand you. To some extent I want to argue that its not always necessary for people to see what goes on behind the scene, if you can share with them who you are now, then who you use to be and what made you who are shouldn't be as important. 

But what about those days when you have the ghost that come back to haunt you. & Can you ever really feel as close to the people you meet in college without telling them this information as oppose to the relationships you have with the people who went through it with you? How important in the background information in developing friendships? In college my friends know a great deal about me, about my family history, but the one thing I really wanted to escape from high school I did. It didn't change who I am but it did changes peoples perceptions of me. Because I omitted this one information bit from my college life that was such a huge deal in high school people view me with more respect. But how do you draw that line? Between what is okay to tell them, and what you might want to keep to yourself & still develop healthy relationships? 

I don't have an answer, but my advice? Go slow, start with the top layers, and keep the darker stuff, the stuff you aren't sure you want to share yet, further down. If you get there and decide to share then great! But at least you gave yourself a longer chance to think, once you say something you can't take it back.

Delicate Relations

You can ask any of my ex boyfriends I am far from the perfect girlfriend, in fact sometimes I can get pretty close to the crazy ex, but despite all my falls as the perfect significant other, I do know something about relationships. I know I know, why should you believe me, you probably shouldn't but today, while in psychology thinking about human relationships it came to my attention that relationships between humans are one of the most delicate creations on earth. In any relationship there are a million things that are left unsaid but what are some things that shouldn't be. So here are some relationship "should haves", "wouldn't hurt", and "bad for" thoughts.

Should Have

• Communication
• TRUST
• reminding the other how much you care about them each day (rather this is a text, a card, or even just a hug it never has to take much time)
• Having personal time (being the same person & always being together never works well)
• Having similar life style choices, although if you don't then it comes down to....
• RESPECT :)
• An equal willingness to do something for each other (example if you are willing to help them clean their dorm room, they should be willing to do the same)
• Inside jokes 
• Modesty
• Faithfulness 

Wouldn't Hurt

• Having your own friends
• Having different interest
• Saying I love/like/adore/care/miss you before bed (cliche but it's a mood booster- in the morning is a good time too) *AS LONG AS YOU MEAN IT*
• A common thing that it just between you two (I know a couple who instead of the typical "i swear on my mothers grave" they swear on "forever" yes awww now.)
• Not communicating for a few hours, especially if you are arguing or upset.

Bad For

• Sweating the small stuff (pick your battles)
• not lying but also not with holding information
• Ignoring an issue 
• Moving too fast

The Heart Makes Anything Real Feel Normal

To love someone isn't to need them with everything in your body. 

It is not a burning passion within

 or constant butterflies in your stomach. 

Love isn't mind blowing,

It is not fireworks

You may think it should be

But it is not.

Love is comfort. 

It is a small smile from each text, 

the inside jokes no one else will get, 

It is the last kiss feeling just like the first,

and changing together despite the falls. 

So, you may not need them for the rest of your life, 

but loving someone is wanting them to be no where else but by your side. 

The "Other" Brain

Boys think girls are confusing, girls think boys are confusing. I think girls care too much. Here the thing ladies we are so confused by what boys say to us because we hardly ever mean what we say! We use double meaning in almost everything, so we expect boys to do that as well. But boys don't. If they don't like you they wont be with you. If they are then don't question it all the time. Trying to find more meaning in a delayed text then just the fact that they didn't text you back isn't worth your time. & Waiting for him to break up with you isn't either. STOP THINKING SO NEGATIVELY. Girls, you are driving yourself crazy.

I also don't understand why people are "things" instead of in a relationship. If  you like each other then why wouldn't you just be together! If you are really suppose to be together than no distance, time, or anything should get in the way of that. No one ever got anything done by waiting.

Parental Advisory Advised

People say parenting in more than an 18 year job. Its a life time. The age your children are doesn't change the amount you love and worry about them. But at what age do children get to stop asking for permission and parents finally realize that they will always do what they want? I wont lie there have been numerous bad situations I could've avoided if I had just asked my parents and been truthful, but those bad situations have taught me quite a few very important life lessons. All parents have pretty much the same rules (at least when it comes to girls).

1. No boys over when no one is home.
2. No boys in your room
3. No driving around aimlessly or driving places you don't know. 

All of these rules are fine for guidelines right? But lets be honest starting with No boys over when no one is home. Parents, chances are whatever you are afraid of them doing when you aren't there, they are probably doing when you are, or better yet in the back of a car. This goes along with no boys in your room, to all fathers boys are scummy pervert and just plain dangerous for their precious baby girl, but again, what you don't want them to do in their room, they are probably doing in the basement, or wherever else you allow them to go (this includes the car & school). 

As for no driving places you don't know, if you don't allow your child to do that how will they ever know it! You are creating this bubble of a few streets that you deem "okay", chances are if they wanted to go there once, they will again. Let them get lost or they will never learn.

Instead of taking the "no" approach talk to you teenager, about sex, driving, teach them directions, lay down rules such as no drinking if you are under 21, rules that have more of a legal consequence. Chances are if they don't understand why you are saying "no" because I said so wont satisfy that desire, they will probably do it anyways. At some point you children will go to college and you wont be able to micromanage what they do,  at some point a boy will be over when no one is home, or in their room, or they might drive somewhere they don't know, prepare them on how to deal with that, instead of just forbidding it. 

**Not advertising disobeying parents!**

Drunk Texting

Texting while driving. To most teenagers its not a big deal, however texting while drinking is a whole other story. You have the people who scroll through the phone and text every person they hate, the way too honest person and the horny person who sends a mass text to all his girl friends for some 2 AM post dub booty call. Hey to each their own But are we underestimating the power of drunk texting? They don't tend to start relationships no matter what the movies may tell you, but they can cause all sorts of issues. People tend to say more then they wish they hand rather is "hey" to an ex, accidentally texting your mom instead of the booty call girl, or even saying "i love you". Is it true that a drunken mouth speaks a sober heart? For me I certainly hope so, but when people can't remember what they said or did the next morning it leaves the sober person a bit upset. How much should someone take of that? How much of that could you take? I don't have too much to say I suppose, except never say anything drunk you wouldn't say sober. It hurts more than you think.

My "Major" Issue

"Find something you love to do and you'll never work a day in your life"

---Harvey MacKay

I love teaching, I love kids and I love my "fake" major. Yes, fake, or at least according to some of my friends. No I don't take a bunch of classes that involve me studying in the library for hours on end but I do take classes were I have to make time outside of school for 40, 60, 100 hour practicums. I don't mix together chemicals, and there's no way in hell I could ever tell you the chemical DNA of anything and yes maybe you will be making more money than me while I'm living in a small apartment paying off my student loans, but money doesn't buy happiness. So call my major fake but without my "fake" major, you wouldn't be here. It may be an easy major, but it is one of the hardest jobs in America and the least appreciated. It takes passion and a lot of determination, so while you are taking your chemistry test and going to law or pharmacy school remember all the teachers it took to get you there before you start to look down on me or any body else's major for that fact. Who is anyone to judge someone else's passion. 

*Sorry for the rant!*

Renewing Cultural Awareness

"The bubble" if you type this into Urban Dictionary (the most reliable definition resource if you ask me) a plethora of locations pop up, some in California, some in Texas and of course the one that you are all thinking right now, your hometown. The place we all want to escape because until we graduated from high school we lived in a protected area, sheltered from the real world issues. I use to believe this was true as well, but sitting in my sociology class someone referred to where I was going to school as our bubble, my new bubble. I left my old high school bubble to go to college in a different state with different people and different experiences, and this girl was telling me I moved from one bubble to the next? I refuse to believe it.
So then, how do we create all these bubbles? Is it really the society that is sheltering us from information and life experience or is it ourselves? I now live in the ghetto of a large and "up and coming city" and to some people it is a bubble. When I was in high school I never even felt like I lived in a bubble. So what makes others feel that way? I could tell you about the problems in Egypt, or the war on terrorism, I could actively defend all of my political views and talk to you about almost any worldly issue. I'm aware of poverty and hate crimes, and have even seen some, so how could I ever say I live in a bubble.
NEWSFLASH PEOPLE
You create your own bubble, sure cover your ears, but society isn't holding you back, you are and using it as an excuse! There is information everywhere, chances to travel, and no one is telling you where to go to college.
So you don't have to go to China (although that'd be cool) to break out of your bubble just go on the Internet or read the newspaper or talk to someone you normally wouldn't.

Break the bubble! It's the only latex you are going to ever want to break.

Renewing Whatever

I'm going to have to screw the order. I use to be able to think in that order but lately life seems to crazy to even try.

I just watched Going the Distance. Great movie. But not what I was hoping for I wont lie. I wanted some relationship that despite all the miles they took the jobs they wanted/needed no one had to give up anything and they made the distance work for longer than what 6 months? But nope that's not how it ended. First I was pissed because the girl almost gave up the only job offer she got, which I mean come on doesn't it always seem like the girl is giving it up. But nope that didn't happen either, I know, huge plot twister. They broke up, 6 months later he leaves his job moves to L.A and they get back together.

How is Hollywood even producing movies anymore?
Better question: Why do we fall for essentially the same plot each time?

But that's beside the point. Long distance relationship. Something that seems to be brought up in every ones life once but are they really something you can build a relationship on. Clearly in this movie they couldn't make it work, he had to move across the country for that to happen, and if Hollywood can't make it happen why do we believe real life can? Is love really miles and hours strong. I don't know and is it worth finding out, I'm not sure. Maybe in love you do have to give up things, like your apartment, but if the relationship was suppose to work wouldn't you already be in the same place or i don't know state?

I love love, i love being in love, and i loved Going the Distance. & there are relationships in my life that I wish could work out, and maybe we don't know until we try but one of the great things about love is not being alone, and I think long distance relationships are pretty damn lonely.

Maybe love triumphs all... for my sake I really hope so.

__________________________________________________

Some thinking later..

Love is one of the rarest things we have in this world. If love can't beat distance, nothing stands a chance. 

Renewing Love Part Four

When it comes to sex people basically fall into one of these categories

1. waiting till marriage
2. waiting till love
3. waiting till it "feels right"
4. wanting to stick it in to everyone

Each one (except maybe the last) have benefits to them, and as the years have passed from our great grandparents to our grandparents to our parents to us what society views as acceptable has changed. Religion, family influence, peer pressure, and even television can play into when you are "ready". How often does it seem like its really about love?

Reasons people have sex before they actually love someone

1. all their friends are doing it. 
2. television glamorizes it

Reasons people say no

1. religion
2. parents preach waiting till marriage.
3. none of their friends are doing it 
4. not ready for the possibility of a baby

And of course they may not love the person yet. Theres the one love reason. And yes all the reasons to say no are great reasons, & as for those people I commend you, but the reasons to say yes seem so off. Having sex is not "fucking", its not "railing", "banging", or "smushing" someone as Jersey Shore has provided us with. Having sex is making love, do you hear that, LOVE. When you have sex with someone you are investing emotion, but can improve communication. You are showing trust, you are trusting the person not to hurt you. So when in society did we start going to the clubs and going home with strangers, and walks of shame were no big deal? 

No I'm not preaching waiting till marriage and I'm not saying don't have sex, but I'm saying BE IN LOVE when you lose your virginity because you don't want to learn the hard way that you should've waited longer. 

**disclaimer: BE SAFE BE SMART. (& if you are in my family I hope you didn't read all of this). **